30 Lessons Learned in 30 Years of Life Cover

30 Lessons Learned in 30 Years of Life

Yesterday, I turned 30. When I was 18, I thought by 30, I’d have it made.

My 20s were a long, slow grind of realizing “made” does not exist. “Made” is past tense — but you’re never done! The only finish line is death, and, thankfully, most of us don’t see it until we’re almost there.

Instead of the binary made/not made distinction, I now see life as round-based. You win some, you lose some, and different rounds have different themes. There’s a carefree-childhood season, a teenager-trying-to-understand-society season, an exuberant-20-something season, and so on.

At 30 years old, I’ve only played a few seasons, but each round feels more interesting than the last. If that trend persists, I can’t imagine what one’s 60s or 90s must be like. By that time, you’ve seen so much — and yet, there’ll always be new things to see.

Most seasons last longer than a year, and there’s plenty to talk about with respect to the important, defining decade from 20 to 30 alone, but today, I’d like to do something different: I want to share one thing I’ve learned from each year I’ve been alive.

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How To Know When To Quit Cover

How To Know When To Quit

In 2006, Nike ran a series of ads called “Joga Bonito” leading up to the soccer world cup in Germany. It means “play beautifully.”

The clips showed world-class players like Ronaldo, Thierry Henry, and Zlatan Ibrahimovic performing soccer tricks, goofing off, and just enjoying the game. The ads were a smash hit, and my best friend and I spent hours watching them. We started downloading and collecting freestyle videos of all kinds, and, soon enough, we went outside and began to practice.

“How does Henry do this trick?” “What’s an ‘Around-the-World?’” Before long, we had a sizable repertoire of cool moves. Unlike my friend, I wasn’t on an actual soccer team, so instead of focusing mainly on that, I just kept practicing tricks. I trained outside for hours. I did sessions in our basement in the winter.

I also got more friends addicted to the fun, and, together, we discovered we weren’t the only ones. We hung out in forums. We started a local German freestyle group. We even had our own competitions. Everyone would film some footage, edit their best clips, add music, and, voilà, the trick-off was on!

By 2008, the movement had gained enough momentum to warrant its own world championship called Red Bull Street Style, which my then-practice buddy took part in. We also auditioned for Germany’s Got Talent, but neither of us made it to the show.

In 2009, I was gearing up for my A-levels and started having knee problems. That year, I shot my last clips. After graduation, I still dabbled with the ball on occasion, but when I went to college, I decided: That’s it. I quit. No more football freestyle. Today, all that’s left is grainy videos and a ball in my room.

In retrospect, this may sound like an obvious choice; the classic “giving up a hobby for something bigger.” Back then, it was a very painful decision.

Initially, there were less than 100 serious freestylers in Germany. I had peers from all over the world who respected my work. By being both early and dedicated, I had been, for a brief moment in time, one of the best football freestylers in the world. That’s hard to walk away from.

Ultimately, however, quitting was necessary. I wasn’t meant to be an athlete. I’m very happy with the job I have now — writing — and wouldn’t trade it for the world.

But how do you make these decisions? How do you know when to quit? Here are some of the factors I considered.

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Your Best Work Is Always Ahead Cover

Your Best Work Is Always Ahead

In the 1960s, Gene Wolfe worked as an industrial engineer at Procter & Gamble. One day, he was called into a team tasked with mass producing a new product: chips.

The process was divided into several stages, from dough-making, rolling, and pressing to cooking, salting, and packaging. Gene was in charge of the cooking stage. He had to build a machine that would fry an exact amount of chips for an exact amount of time.

Since this was a new kind of potato chip, a real innovation if you will, developing proper equipment was no easy feat.

The chips were wavy and shaped like a saddle. This way, they stacked neatly on top of one another, but it also meant they all had to look exactly the same — and not break. In order to protect each chip stack, P&G decided to sell them in a can rather than a bag, which led to more manufacturing challenges.

In fact, someone at P&G had invented the chip more than ten years ago, but so far, the company hadn’t been able to make all the puzzle pieces fit together. This was Gene’s time to shine.

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The Rule of 70/20/10: Do Important Work or None at All Cover

The Rule of 70/20/10: Do Important Work or None at All

Ip Man, a Kung Fu movie about the legendary martial arts teacher of the same name, is rated a staggering eight out of 10 on IMDb and considered a cult classic among fans. The movie is almost two hours long, but if you skim through it, you’ll notice something: There’s not a lot of fighting.

Isn’t that what Kung Fu movies are about? Apparently not. You’ll see the master having tea, helping his friends, and struggling with everyday life. You’ll see him muse about politics, about war, and about philosophy. You’ll see Ip Man training and spending time with his family.

Why do people love this movie so much if, as it turns out, there are only three major fight scenes? They love it because each fight means something.

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Hit Rock Bottom? Don't Waste It

Don’t Waste Your Rock Bottom

On August 1st, 1976, Formula One racing legend Niki Lauda crashed at the Nürburgring. In an instant, his car burst into flames, his helm flew off, and he was trapped in the wreckage.

Other drivers were able to pull him from the car, but because of the burns he suffered and toxic fumes he inhaled, he fell into a coma. A priest showed up to perform his last rites but, luckily, Niki survived.

When he woke up, he was in pain. He had lost half his right ear, and his face would never be the same. Just shy of a miracle, Niki recovered in six weeks — and got back into his car. He missed a mere two races of the season, and yet, to add insult to injury, he lost the title of world champion to his arch nemesis, James Hunt, by one point.

Imagine how that must have felt — to nearly die and then come back — and lose by one point. For Niki Lauda, this was it: rock bottom. He had been destroyed physically and psychologically. What did Niki do?

On the first day of the next season, he showed up for practice. He drove. He studied. Niki tweaked his car. And by the end of the 1977 season, he became world champion.

The universe works in mysterious ways. Common sense will tell you: Wow, here’s a guy who succeeded despite his setbacks. Here’s an interesting question: What if he succeeded because of them?

It’s nearly impossible to see it when you’re in the middle of it, but there’s true beauty in hitting rock bottom: It’ll break you into a thousand pieces, but then, you’ll be on solid ground — maybe for the first time.

You won’t need further dampers. There’ll be no more uncertainty. You’ve lost. In fact, you’ve lost so much, you’ve got nothing left to lose — so you might as well start building.

In 2009, after decades of hard work, late night talk show host Conan O’Brien achieved his dream: He took over The Tonight Show from Jay Leno. It took just nine months for the network to fire him. It was a PR disaster of epic proportions. Leno came out of retirement and grabbed the show right back. Can you feel the humiliation?

Two years later, O’Brien gave a commencement speech, in which he said:

“There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.”

After his failure, O’Brien shunned the spotlight. He went on tour, made an album, and filmed a documentary. He claims he never had more fun or conviction in what he was doing. O’Brien used rock bottom to completely reinvent himself. “No specific job or career goal defines me, and it should not define you,” he told the students.

Don’t have such a fixed idea of where your career should go. This is very common in high achievers. Accept your dreams will change. Sometimes, they might have to — and so will you. It’s great to shoot for the stars, but you can’t let your identity drift through space when you miss.

You know who else hit rock bottom? A woman who, in her 2008 Harvard commencement address, said:

“Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me.

Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged. I was set free because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea.

And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

In 1994, J. K. Rowling was broke, divorced, a single mom, living on welfare, and had just filed a restraining order against her ex-husband. She was the biggest failure she knew.

Whether it was despite or because of everything that had happened, she decided to turn rock bottom into fertile ground. She watered it, sowed some seeds, and slowly built new footing to start from. A “solid foundation,” as she called it. After all, rock bottom is made of rocks.

Rowling put all her energy into the one thing she cared about beyond her daughter: the Harry Potter books. Eventually, she didn’t just find greener pastures; she became the first billionaire author in history. All because she accepted rock bottom.

So here you are. Another weekend sacrificed at the altar of alcohol. Another afternoon wasted in front of the screen. Maybe, you’re embarrassed to tell your children you can’t afford a nicer place. Maybe, you feel ashamed you’re late on paying back a friend.

Whatever your big failure that stings right now, in the long run, it will set you free. Once you’ve given up your expectations of yourself and the ones others put on you, you’ll finally be able to genuinely try new things. No more fake attempts. Truly break with convention, and create a new self-image.

You can’t envision it right now, but the next iteration of you is the exact person you need to be to reach new heights.

No matter how harsh your rock bottom feels, don’t punch it until your fists bleed. See it for what it is: Rough terrain, sure, but one that won’t give way beneath your feet. Don’t waste your rock bottom. Let it be the foundation of something new; the start of better.

Be grateful you’ve arrived, and then start climbing.

How to Get What You Want by Being Street-Smart Instead of Book-Smart Cover

How to Get What You Want by Being Street-Smart Instead of Book-Smart

There are two ways to be smart: One is to have a high IQ, the other is to be good at getting what you want.

The former contains an element you don’t control — genetics — and while you can read many books to make up for it, maximizing intelligence alone has little use in the real world. Being street smart, however…

In 1862, Mark Twain was stuck in a silver-mining town in Nevada. A notorious slacker, he was quickly fired from the only job available: shoveling sand. His buff roommate, however, hadn’t found work, and so Twain sent him to the mine, telling him to ask for work without pay. After a few days, word got out about the productive “intern,” and soon, he earned enough for both of them — and Twain went back to reading, writing, and eating stewed apples.

Now I don’t know about you, but that’s the kind of smart I want to be. Since it doesn’t rely on intellect alone, being street smart is mostly a decision — a philosophy, if you will. I thought long and hard about what I could teach you that would actually make you smarter, and, rather than facts and figures, all I could see were three ideas underpinning this philosophy.

Here they are. May they help you get what you want and make the world a better place along the way.


1. Principles Beat Knowledge

Neil deGrasse Tyson once told a story about interviewing two job candidates. Both were asked: “How tall is the spire on the building we’re in?”

The first person said: “Oh! I know this! I studied architecture and memorized all the heights. The spire on this building is exactly 155 feet high.” As it turns out, that’s the right answer.

The second person said: “I don’t know, but I’ll be right back.” She goes outside, measures the length of her shadow on the ground against the shadow of the building, and, after comparing the two, says: “It’s about 150 feet.”

“Who are you gonna hire?” Tyson said. “I’m hiring the person who figured it out. Even though it took that person longer. Even though the person’s answer is not as precise. ‘Cause that person knows how to use the mind in a way not previously engaged.”

To Tyson, this is the difference between fuzzy thinking and thinking straight: “When you know how to think, it empowers you far beyond those who know only what to think.”

Principles beat knowledge. Knowledge can be memorized, accessed quickly, and it is useful to have a lot of it available at any given time. Everything you know, however, is nothing but an insight derived from a principle, and if you understand a lot of principles, you can generate any fact you need in real-time — no need to cram your brain with knowledge.

When you hold an apple in your hand, you know it will fall to the ground if you let go because you understand the principle of gravity. A principle doesn’t break. It’s universal. Knowledge, however, finds its limits all the time, because unlike principles, facts change.

If you jump off the spire in Tyson’s example, you will die. You know this. It’s a fact, and it seems so universal, it feels like a principle — but it’s not. It only happens in movies, but if you stood atop the spire as the building was collapsing, jumping off — towards a helicopter, with a parachute, into some safety construction — would be your only way to survive. The circumstances changed, and the principle overrode the knowledge.

Therefore, it is much better to have a few guidelines for how you think rather than many options of what to think.

Knowledge is good, but too much of it can limit our thinking instead of expanding it. The more drawers our file cabinet has, the more desperately we believe that one of them must hold the answer, and so we waste our time pulling out drawers when we could derive the solution — maybe a brand new solution — by combining our principles.

If you want to achieve your goals and make a difference in the world, you must never be intimidated by knowledge, and you must never rely on knowledge alone. Collect it when you can for it might one day be useful, but never let your knowledge trump your ability to think on your feet.

2. Psychology Runs Everything

One of the first and most important principles is that psychology governs everything — absolutely everything. The invisible forces of human behavior shape every decision we make, every action we take, and all of our interactions with others.

Right now, there are over 200 biases twisting your thoughts and perception. Every waking second, we are affected by our instincts, our environment, and the actions of those around us.

I think it cannot be overstated and might be the most important principle in accomplishing anything in this life: Psychology rules everything. You must never neglect psychology, never underestimate it, for its power is near-limitless.

Judges have sent innocent men to prison over bias. Billionaires have been tricked out of their fortunes. Retail empires have been built and collapsed on small differences in perception and a lack thereof.

Money, fame, charity, legacy — whatever you want in life, it translates to change, to transformation, and the most powerful, most sustainable way to enact change is to deeply understand and embrace psychology.

Read some books. Understand the basics of perception, bias, and persuasion. Learn how our emotions affect us and how our minds work. Master, not guess, which of the brain’s many kinks work for and against us.

Whatever you look at in life, consider the angle of psychology: Which behavioral forces are at play here? Why do we do what we do?

Whether you wish to be self-disciplined and run a marathon, create your own board game and sell a million copies, or found a company that will convert 25% of the world’s CO2 into something useful, heed the science of the mind, and you shall one day be successful.

3. To Get What You Want, You Must Make People Feel

Maya Angelou once said: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

In a world run by psychology, an ounce of common sense is worth a pound of theory — and no matter what the theory suggests, humans are, by and large, run by their feelings.

“What do you feel like eating?” “I don’t feel this idea.” “I feel like I can afford it.” Nutrition, business, money — three of the most important topics in our lives, all governed by principles, and what do we do? We listen to our feelings. For better or for worse, this is how it’s gonna be.

It is great to practice rational thought, to aspire to reason and intelligence, but neither will be the biggest hindrance in getting you what you want — especially if it involves convincing other people, and it always involves convincing other people.

Appeal to our natural desires. Make us feel loved. Make us feel strong. Whatever you want, you’ll have to make us feel something to get it.

A confidence coach may have to make people angry, help them use regret as fuel for change. A great writer can make us feel sad, but in that sadness, we may find closure. Others provide simpler pleasures, like laughter, excitement, or schadenfreude.

The first incarnation of Facebook, FaceMash, put two photos of people side by side and let others vote on who’s more attractive. It’s a product built on curiosity and our desire to judge.

Tesla succeeds because its cars look good and feel futuristic. It’s not about numbers or sustainability, it’s about being part of something bigger while still having fun. The benefits are side effects.

Apple is not about glass and microchips, it’s about “having good taste.” You can viscerally enjoy the design of their products — and to top it off, they also perform well. The design “just flows” and the tool “just works.” A trillion-dollar company, built on gut feelings.

If you want to change the world for the better, let self-absorbed humans do the right thing by accident. Make us act in our own interest, and align the incentives so everyone benefits. The same applies to getting what you want, and it all runs on the unstoppable force of feelings.


If Mark Twain’s mining story sounded familiar to you, it’s because it closely resembles Tom Sawyer’s genius stunt of getting the other kids to pay him to paint his aunt’s white-picket fence — a feat depicted in Twain’s most famous work, a hallmark of American literature. That’s what he used his spare time for, and today, we’re all better off for it. We can still learn from his stories.

Academics frequently dismiss street smarts as unethical or lazy. Sometimes, they do so out of a false sense of honor or because they’re jealous of others getting what they want while they don’t, seemingly without hassle. Most of the time, however, they simply fear their intelligence won’t amount to anything in the real world, thus running from the very thing they so desperately hope to achieve.

Smart people realize that being smart alone does not mean much at all. If you want to accomplish things in this world, you need other people to buy into your ideas, and if you can’t do that, it doesn’t matter how brilliant those ideas are. Those people, like you, run on imperfect brains providing imperfect conclusions, many based not on facts but feelings.

Being street smart is the ultimate commitment to being pragmatic, to getting things done, and to understanding the world as it is so we can make it into the world we wish it to be.

Don’t just be smart. Be street smart. Look at life through the lens of principles, psychology, and feelings, and, like the great but laid-back humorist we call the father of American literature, you’ll move with its current rather than against it.

The Thing You Most Want to Save Time on Is a Thing You Shouldn’t Be Doing at All Cover

The Thing You Most Want to Save Time on Is a Thing You Shouldn’t Be Doing at All

In 1902, Remington advertised its breakthrough appliance — the first commercial typewriter — with the following slogan: “To save time is to lengthen life.”

It’s a powerful phrase, and for years, Richard Polt thought it was true. Polt is a typewriter collector, but he’s also a professor of philosophy. Eventually, he came to the following realization: “The more time you save, the more time you waste, because you’re doing things that are only a means to an end.”

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If You’ve Never Written Before, Don’t Charge for It Cover

If You’ve Never Written Before, Don’t Charge for It

Three weeks into studying abroad in the U.S., I started missing German bread. I love American food, but when it comes to “Brotzeit,” those pale, floppy slices of toast just don’t cut it.

I wanted a loaf. I wanted rye. I wanted the sour, moist-yet-crunchy freshness only German bread can provide. Unfortunately, it was impossible to find.

Necessity is the mother of invention, they say, and so eventually, I became desperate enough to decide to bake my own. Since my baking skills are on par with a nine-year-old, this was a much larger-scale effort than it might seem.

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Your Brain Is Your Ally, Not Your Enemy Cover

Your Brain Is Your Ally, Not Your Enemy

It’s a myth that we only use 20% of our brain, but I can see why it’s popular: It’s the perfect excuse.

How can I excel if the tools I need to do so are in a place I can’t access? If only there was a miracle drug…

In reality, even a single task can easily demand 35% of your brain’s capacity, and, over the course of a single day, most of us will access all 100% — just different areas at different times.

Still, many a movie has been made about said miracle drug, including Limitless, a film starring Bradley Cooper as a hard-up writer. After he discovers NZT-48 and finishes his book in a day, he makes millions in the stock market and enjoys his newfound life as a genius — until the side effects kick in.

It’s a nice movie to fuel our daydreams, but it also makes for a strong wake-up call because, as Lars van der Peet says in a video essay about the film, “it explores something we are all aware of: The perception that we are unfulfilled potential; that we aren’t doing everything we could and should be doing.”

Our frustration with our brains shows on many levels: You might be angry that you can’t remember what you wanted to say, feel depressed after being stuck on an important project for months, or watch movies like Limitless in lack of motivation to write your novel.

As understandable as these frustrations are, they are born out of misconception: Our brain was never something we were meant to have 100% control over — it is simply a partner we must work with.

There is no exact science on how much of our brain activity happens “below the surface,” but chances are it’s a lot more than what we process and register in a conscious manner. Whether it’s 80–20 or 60–40, the point is: Your subconscious is much larger than your consciousness, and you can’t force everything into the realm of awareness. Even if you could, you’d probably feel overwhelmed and wouldn’t be able to synthesize the information in a useful way.

Your brain is an iceberg. Most of it is under water. It is not your job to try and turn it upside down. Your job is to navigate whatever lies above sea level. Even the small terrain up top is constantly changing, and in order to navigate it well, you must trust in whichever part the iceberg decides to reveal.

“Make your unconscious your ally instead of your enemy,” Lars says.

Accept that creativity requires breaks, and that in those breaks, your subconscious is working for you, not against you. Your mind can process even when you don’t, and usually, it does its best work while you do none at all.

Organize your surroundings. Give your brain every chance to structure what it sends you by structuring your sensory input. A brain fed with views of a chaotic room will only feed you chaotic thoughts. Clarity on the outside, however, breeds clarity within.

Make new connections. Structure and routine lead to insights on the regular, but if they become too rigid, only a change of pace can provide stimulation. In the long run, your brain can only give you new ideas if you give it new input.

Finally, never let a good idea go to waste. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve scrambled for my phone to make a note, and I expect myself to do so many times in the future. Inspiration can strike anywhere, anytime, and it is foolish to think it’ll repeat the favor just because you’re too lazy to take note right now.

Towards the end of the movie Limitless, the main character realizes he never needed a smart-drug in the first place: His limitations were mostly self-imposed. Instead of blaming his brain, he starts using it.

Your brain is not you. It will never define who you are, and yet, you must live with it every day. Treat your brain like a partner: You don’t control them, but together, you can achieve a whole lot.

In that sense, I think the real message of the movie is this: We have everything we need. We just have to work with it rather than against it.

If You’re an Intellectual, Act Like One Cover

If You’re an Intellectual, Act Like One

In seventh grade, my history teacher asked if anyone knew what the huge, fancy, painting-like carpets covering the walls of the Palace of Versailles were called. His question was met with silence and puzzled faces.

Eventually, I raised my hand and said: “Gobelin.” My teacher was thrilled. So was my neighbor. “Ooooh, go-be-liiiiin, Mr. I-know-everything.” The class erupted in laughter.

There’s something to be said here about shaming intellectuals and about a system in which being fun is cooler than being smart, but at 13 I was oblivious to both of those things — so I too erupted in laughter. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, right?

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